Jealousy is Evil

I experienced a little jealousy when I came home last night. 

Since the first of the year, work has been hell and I haven't been getting home until 8pm most nights.  Last night was no different.  I came home totally exhausted and emotionally drained from putting out unnecessary fires, dealing with personnel issues and shit.

Nathan and Jeff had let themselves in my flat, which is totally normal for them and most other close friends.  All them have a key to my place and come and go as they please.   I like the energy all of them bring coming and going.

They were running around my apartment wrestling each other like school boys, both naked.  Nathan was hard as a rock and Jeff wasn't far behind.  If I hadn't come home they would have ended it with hot sex and I would have been none the wiser, unless they wanted to share which they usually do.

This activity is no different between the two of them than normal.  We all have sex with each other all the time.  But for some reason, maybe it's because I am falling for Nathan, I was so fucking jealous.  I didn't let them know.  I kept it inside and made an excuse that I was tired and wanted to take a hot bath.

They said ok and resumed their play while I escaped to a warm tub full of bubbles.  A few minutes later it got real silent.  The door opened and the boys joined me in the tub.  My jealousy lifted immediately and everything was back to normal.  We bathed, paying particular attention to scrubbing each others cocks, kissing and groping each other.  We finished off the night by watching a little television, then went to bed:  me on the left, Nathan in the middle and Jeff on the right.

Nathan said, "I love you Jared," right before we went to sleep.  Jeff teased us a little and then I drifted off to sleep.

Love is so complicated and I hate complication.  I hope whats happening to me doesn't fuck up my friendship with them.  I know I set the ground rules with Nathan; that I need space and freedom to explore and enjoy sex without boundaries.  I also know that I have to grant him the same thing.  I believe in open relationships and that you can truly be in love on person and have sex with other people without jeopardizing that love.  I just don't understand this jealousy shit and need to get a handle on it before it gets out of control.

I've already started by telling Nate the emotion I experienced.  He took it well and was ready to stop playing with Jeff immediately.  I told him I didn't want that at all; that I thought it was hot that they had fun together and I meant it.  He admitted that he had been a little jealous in December when Jeff moved in.

So anyway, this blog is supposed to be about my fetish exploration and not my relationships.  I'm going to mix the two a little.  Nathan has agreed to witness me being flogged by the Cock Master dude on Friday night.  He's a little scared because, although he knows that I like this kind of shit and has read my entries and heard me talk about it, he doesn't really understand it and has never seen it up close.

It should be real interesting and will be a test of our compatibility.

Comments

[Neil]

I just stumbled across your blog. I love reading about your sex life AND your relationships. Keep it coming! :)

[Carnivor]

As somebody who's been in an open relationship for more than 10 years I can attest to the fact that they do work. I love my partner as much today as I did when we first got together, but neither of us wanted to give up exploring our sexual desires with other people and we didn't have to. Sex can be just play and a great way to connect with other human beings. I think you handled the jealousy thing perfectly. For the open thing to work, you need to be willing to explore and share all of your emotions - including jealousy. As your relationshiop with Nathan gets stronger - the jealousy will either go away or turn out to be too much to handle. There's no way for you to know what's going to happen at this point. Relationships are a process. Enjoy the ride.

PS for me and my partner the rule is no lying and no having secret sex. You gotta tell. Of course, some people prefer the don't ask/don't tell approach. Not sure that would work for us.

[Rob]

I agree with Carnivor, Jared. I've been in an open relationship for 8 years. . .my second, as a matter of fact. The first lasted 2.5, but it didn't break up because of the "openness." (E-mail me if you want the whole story.) My present b/f lost sexual interest in me after we'd been together about 1.5 yrs., but we love each other, so we stayed together. It's not always easy--feelings of jealousy do crop up. But, we're both educated, intelligent men, so we can always talk and get past it. Just work out the "rules" with Nathan from the start, and things will be A-OK.

[xav]

i'm french and Ihad a lot of fun reading your posts!!

[RobbyinFL]

Jared, Open can work. You just gotta get your head around it bro. Jealousy is an unnecessary waste of emotion. You're on the right track. Talk it out. Realize it's just the conditioning of society and our puritanical heritage. Go with what works for you and Nathan, and Jeff. Just always be open, honest and up front and ask the same from them, and you will end up the winner. OR, you can always come back to FL ........

[scott]

I've got two much younger boyfriends (I'm 46 and they are 27 and 24) and we all live together and jealousy is something you've always got to look out for and as soon as it rears it's ugly head you need to shut it down hard.

Sometimes Jake and Rich (the bfs) are more interested in each other than in me and sometimes it works the other way but thats nothing more than mood. In the end falling into the jealousy trap only demonstrates that a person isn't in control of their own emotions and more importantly they niether trust their spouses nor themselves. And that is not attractive in the least and will only serve to drive away the people you love.

And thats enough of my Dr. Phil imitation for the day. Love your blog BTW.

[Sparky]

Jared,

I know your intention for this blog was to discuss your interests and adventures in the fetish world, but I do hope that you continue to share your thoughts on your personal relationships...with Nathan, Jeff, or whom ever else may come into your life in the future.

What I have enjoyed about your blog is the fact that you haven't channeled the conversations to just one part of your life. We (your readers) are getting to know about you, as a person, instead of just your kinky adventures (which are great).

If us readers just wanted to know new and different kinky adventures, then all we would have to do is read stories posted on thousands of story websites. Personally, I would rather discover what makes up the person, who that person is, and how that person interacts with the people and the world around them.

Sparky

[Dean]

i love that picture, the whole book really.

[jared]

Me too. I wonder if they are still together?

[Robert]

I love the story about you and Nathan.....

keep us informed!

[asilayhere]

"Love is so complicated and I hate complication. I hope whats happening to me doesn't fuck up my friendship with them. I know I set the ground rules with Nathan; that I need space and freedom to explore and enjoy sex without boundaries. I also know that I have to grant him the same thing. I believe in open relationships and that you can truly be in love on person and have sex with other people without jeopardizing that love. I just don't understand this jealousy shit and need to get a handle on it before it gets out of control."

I'm not really gonna say anything deep or share some long personal story other than to say this: I so completely agree with you and I am the exact same way. Kudos to you! May people like you infect (populate wasn't strong enough)the world, both homosexual, heterosexual, and bisexual! Love your blog, love your opinions, love you and Nathan's devotion - you are surely a great person!

espero que siempre creas asi.

-biguywiththegaysmile