Completely Submissive Thoughts

At the risk of alienating some of you, I have some deep sexual gay submissive shit going on in my head that I need to get out.  So if you're not into it you may want to pass up this entry.

I've been having these thoughts.  After my experiences with a little s&m, spanking, exhibitionism, nude beaches, massages and shit I believed that I covered all the fetishes in my closet.  I mean what else could there be for me?

A combination of things that have happened in the last few weeks that may have triggered it.  It's kind of humiliating for me to admit this but I have to get it out and I have to explore it.  It's going to be hard to push that 'publish' button just as it was the doctor exam.  Fuck, this could even be weirder than the doctor exam.  I would never in a million years admit this if I wasn't anonymous to you.

Several weeks ago, I think it was that long ago, I went to this cocktail party where I was to be, and was, completely naked.  It had a twist to it though.  The host put me in real boys underoos, called me little Jared and ordered me around in front of the guests, making me feel like a submissive little boy.  I didn't like it at the time, in fact I hated it, and I was so humiliated in front of the guests.  Then, about a week ago, I answered this ad where an older man wanted someone to come over for an old fashioned over the knee spanking like, quoting here, 'all little bad boys should receive.'  I chatted with this guy for a while to set something up cause you know I like spanking and pain and shit.  He had a lot of ideas that made me nervous, like having me show up at his doorstep in little boy underwear.  He said I could pick up a pair that fit adults in the castro.  He especially wanted ones with little fire trucks on them and that he would spank me in them and make me do things that 'naughty boys do', that he would be my 'dirty old uncle'.  Every time I think about this I get stone hard.  I'm hard now writing this.

Then I start thinking about taking it further and more public.  Like maybe he could take me out to this bar in my neighborhood where older guys hang out.  He would force me to strip to my tiny underoos that barely contain my cock.  He would get me liquored up.  He would pull down my underwear and show my cock to other patrons and let them feel me up, fondle my cock and finger my anus.  Maybe I would do something to make him mad and he would yank down my underwear, spank me and make me stand in the corner naked.  Maybe he would let other guys take me in the back and molest me by jacking my cock.  Shit dudes, I don't understand it but it makes me hard to think of myself in this way.  Fuck, do I need therapy?!

To complicate this, I start thinking about my budding relationship with Nathan.  Then I think about not wanting to do this with a stranger but wanting to do this with Nathan.  I want to submit to him and let him be in complete control of me.  He could be the one yanking down my underwear in the bar.  He could say shit like, 'see this cock, this is mine, so hands off.'  Then he could pull me close to him and kiss me, his little Jared.

So none of this has happened, and I don't know if I have the balls to ever make it happen, but it is something I've been thinking about.

On a related topic, I am due for a good S&M session or spanking or something with pain.  I really need it so I've been talking with another submissive dude.  He is totally into changing roles and giving it to me, so we will see what happens.  He seems really intuitive and experienced and he knows what it feels like to be the one getting beaten.

So there it is.

later dudes

j

Comments

[alex]

nah, you dont need therapy. i think its a perfectly fine fetish/want. i daresay i would want the same. itd be quite a turn on being ordered around like that in a public place. quite hot indeed.

[Rob]

Ok, boy. . .check your e-mail.

[domtop29]

you aren't a freak and don't need therapy. there are plenty of dudes with submissiveness and plenty of dominant guys. i'm a dominant top and love the fact that you want to submit. it's even hotter than you want to do it with nathan. love it when a submissive dude tells me he wants me to be in complete control. try it. experience it. i think you'll really love it. take it easy, J. your site kicks ass.

[domtop29]

you aren't a freak and don't need therapy. there are plenty of dudes with submissiveness and plenty of dominant guys. i'm a dominant top and love the fact that you want to submit. it's even hotter than you want to do it with nathan. love it when a submissive dude tells me he wants me to be in complete control. try it. experience it. i think you'll really love it. take it easy, J. your site kicks ass.

[Uncle Zoloft]

Dude, let Nathan do the s&m thing. You are right about Nathan pulling down your underoos and shouting out "That's my cock!" another words it's time to work out your fetishes with only Nathan, and maybe Jeff.

[RobbyinFL]

That's such a HOT fantasy. And so naughty. No therapy necessary.

[BT]

You are experiencing a healthy kinky sexual period in your life. I encourage you to enjoy it, but beware of some consequences. Know how to say stop when you've had your limit. Also I want you to have only hot experiences. I think that someday you will be the one in control and you'll be dam good at it, since you are a great submissive. Just enjoy.

[Rolo Tomasi]

I agree, I don't think there is anything wrong with this fetish. Good luck, and best wishes to you!

[Tim]

Dude, if you need therapy, then I need an asylum.

[Jason]

I think it's great you're open about your desires, at least it's not channeled the wrong way which may lead to abuse and dangerous acts.

It seems like you're at the stage where you can be open with Nathan about such desires. Talk to him and let him be the first to try it, if he's willing. It'll be a lot hotter and safer with someone you love.

[Don]

There is NOTHING that makes you feel alive like a good fetish, boi!

[J Dude]

Jared - Go for it! If all of us were more in touch with our sexuality and our fantasies, I think we'd all be happier people. And, you have your totally fucking hot b-f Nathan to share it with.

[Tickle Top in South SF Bay]

Hey, have you ever considered getting tickled? Some sub guys can get into it, and for us tickle tops, it can be a lot of fun. Just wondering ;)

[Spider]

If you need therapy - then take me with you - because I do also!

[leathergoose]

Jared, I would say like most of the comments above, set your own limits in advance regarding strangers, and try to play it out with Nathan. There is no therapy for fantasy (why should there be one?) I'm also a submissive type, and I love your wonderful blog, I follow it but never leave comments because I feel like you are a million light years ahead of me. Take care

[Will]

Jared, a year or so ago I fulfilled a long-building desire to submit in a men's weekend devoted to supervised s&m play. I had always liked spanking and discovered that being flogged is sheer heaven. It was a great experience that demystified it for me and satisfied my craving to know.

There's nothing "wrong" with you but the idea of exploring this side of yourself with a man you're coming to love is a very good idea. There's trust, there will be support, and it will be a shared experience that may grow the bond between you.

[zak]

i got hard reading this entry...

[Dude....]

you tottaly are a pervert showing everyone theese things.you make me sick.if i had my way this site would be shut down forever. perverted sex crazed jared cant stop talking about how his boy friends make him hard. you make me sick!

[Dude....]

by the way, you dont need therapy, you need a straight jacket and a padded room with a lock and the key gets incinerated!

[Dude....]

jared go get therapy. lots and lots of therapy.
i hate you.

[Willoughby]

Jared & guys,
Except for the pain stuff, this describes my kind of fantasy. Even before my partner asked me to take my shirt in front of his ex, who he knew would be envious, I had interests in being submissive and naked in the presence of guys who would be aroused by my body and excited by my submissiveness. When I first saw the anal hook (or rope master), I thought it would be some kind of hot to wear it under my clothes to a bar where my partner might tell someone that I had a 1 1/2 inch steel ball on a hook up my anus and he might even have me expose myself with the hook in me. Haven’t done that and might not ever. There might be something better.
It is really hot to admit you like being submissive to someone who is interested in experimenting from time to time. The first time my partner used the hook on me he did something completely unexpected; he put the thing on me backward, with the end with the ring for a rope or chain next to my stomach instead of my back. Turns out that is the way it works best, for me anyway. And when my partner fucks me when the hook is in me that way, it is like being fucked by two guys at once. Now my fantasy tends more towards exposing our exploration with the hook.
I’ve warn the hook under my clothes chained around my waist with the ring at my navel and had the ball pressed against my anus but not lubed or penetrating. Jeans keep the ball in between the legs and most normal movement is not a problem. A couple of times I’ve done ordinary things, once with my partner on an errand in public when he didn’t know what I was up to.
Right now my fantasy is that I get an email or a cell phone message from my partner telling me to go to a certain place where I find a bluetooth set. When I put the set on my ear, I hear instructions given by a voice I and many other Mac users know as Bruce. My partner uses the Mac speech tool to mask who is giving the commands which then leaves me to imagine all kinds of possibilities. I’m commanded to put on a blindfold and then given a series of directions, through gates or doors up or down steps until I am in an unknown place, where I am ordered to undress and grasp a ring hanging behind my neck.
Next the hook is chained around my waist with the cold steel ball against my balls. Then the Bruce voice, joined by Junior, Fred etc., tells me to show what I can do with the hook, that I can get it inside my anus by myself. To assist me in this, there is lube I can dip the ball into, but I have to keep holding on to the ring with both hands. And there is something like a bicycle rack on a car that I am told I can use to lift up on the hook while I have the steel ball positioned at my anus. The computer masked instructors encourage and comment on how submissive I am and what they enjoy about seeing me do what they command.
When I have succeeded in inserting the ball into my anus, I am told to demonstrate how I can fuck myself with it. By then I have precum splattered on my thighs and knees. With encouragement and comments I writhe and show the unseen masters my ass with the steel rod and glimpses of the ball. They might even have me remove the ball and re-insert it. They shoot warm water with squirt guns on me to heighten my excitement until I climax.