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Monday, May 08, 2006


When I was a kid, I used to look through the JC Penney catalog underwear section (men and women) and fantasize about making my own catalog when I grew up where I showed the women's breasts and men's cocks poking out of the underwear.


When I was a kid (okay, 14) I used to trade blowjobs with my friend's Dad across the street.

When I was a kid. . . .

I was a total slob 'til the 4th grade. I missed school one day and one of the other students cleaned up my desk; I've been neat ever since.

I thought I could fly if I ran really fast, jumped high, and kicked my legs.

I jacked off starting at around age 4. When my parents asked me what I was doing in the bathroom, I told them; they shamed me for it, so I couldn't jack off without guilty 'til I was in graduate school.

I tried to kill myself during my junior year in high school. But, the pills were really old, so nothing happened.

I was excited when I found out my mom was gonna marry my stepdad 'cause I liked his kids.

when i was a kid, i used to have dreams of me and my male classmates running around the school and my neighbourhood naked and playing with one another naked. in actual fact, me and the other boys did try to force strip almost all of our cute male friends. i knew i was gay right then.

When I was a kid:

I made cities out of mud.

My dad got me a small alligator as a pet.

I loved to paint.

Judy Garland died.

My world was thrown asunder by moving to 3 different schools in 4th grade.

My grandfather would take me to vist all his friends, after church ~ this would take hours. I always got cookies and milk while grandpa drank shots and smoked cigars with his buds.

I had a cousin in Nam.

My parents took me to a peace rally in Central Park.

I liked boys and grils.

When I was a kid I had the best Matchbox/Hot Wheels cars...My favorite car to this day...Porche 928 (I had about 10 of those).

I had a big 4 X 8 sheet of plywood and had roads outlined everywhere with my own little car dealership set up...it was cool...

When I was a kid, I would have wanted a friend like you.

When I was a kid I was deathly afraid of dogs. I fainted when I saw them.

When I was a kid I thought my parents were pretty, but crazy. I didn't trust them.

When I was a kid I was molested by my male babysitter.

When I was a kid I was sent to Florida to live with my Grandparents for four months out of the year.

When I was a kid I collected comic books.

When I was a kid I knew I was gay and had sex with my friend JB.

When I was a kid I gave blow jobs to men that were old enough to be my father.

When I was a kid I couldn't wait to grow up so I could move to a place were I could be gay.

when i was a kid i had a crush on my friends older brother...

when i was i loved wearing my moms high heel shoes and painting my nails...

when i was a kid i always know i was different...

when i was kid i loved showing my penis to any boy that would show me his...

when i was a kid i couldn't pronounce the lettter "s"...

when i was a kid my mind was alway being fast forwarded to a time in my life that i know that would make me happy and set me free from the unknowingness that was always in my mind, that was always aware that i was different...

when i was a kid i was called ben-gay...

when i was a kid the name calling was from my own brother...

When I was a little kid a neighbor boy and I would play with each other in my garage. We didn't know what to do, but we still knew we liked it.

When I was a kid we put on plays, too. I always wanted the cute neighborhood boys to have parts where they were tied up.

When I was a kid a neighbor friend and I shot out every pane of glass in the French doors on the veranda of out guest house with our BB guns. Hundreds of panes. We got in big trouble for that.

When I was a kid whenever we were sitting quietly anyplace, like watching TV, or riding in a car, I would sit next to a certain girl cousin with my finger in her vagina. Weird, but we both liked it and never got caught. We never discussed it; just did it.

When I was a kid, like maybe 4th grade, I befriended the neighborhood bully with blow jobs on his tiny tool so he would protect me. Mainly from himself as I think back.

When I was a kid I would shock mainly girls with a battery and an electric train transformer. I'd say, "Hold these," and then shock them. They were like Charley Brown and Lucy with the football. I'd say this time it wont shock you. But it always would.

When I was a kid, starting in 6th grade, my best friend and I would sleep-over at either house. In the dark, he would always say, "The bed is shaking. You're doing it aren't you?" I'd say, "No." He'd insist I was and I'd say, "No, feel." He'd reach into my whiteys, and say, "I guess you're not." So I'd ask, "Are you?" And reach into his underwear. Of course, holding each other's cock always made us both hard so we would go from there. And of course, I always shook the bed so he would start asking.

When I was a kid in high school, I'd date girls and make out with them. It didn't matter how far we went, because after I'd take them home, I'd always go over to a friend's house, and we would blow each other.

When I was a kid, like 9th and 10th grades, my mom had an electric muscle stimulator for pulled muscles that she never used. Word got around the track and swimming teams that I had this orgasm machine. These big str8 boys started wanting to sleep over. When one did, I'd put the electrode pads on his inner thighs, about 3 inches from his balls. They always started out with their underwear on and no touching, no way. I never knew if the stimulator made them hard or me prepping the spots with alcohol and pressing and adjusting the electrode pads on their thighs. But they always got hard and jerked off with the machine visibly contracting their thigh muscles. The machine had different pulse speeds and strengths, and they always wanted to try several settings. Usually by the second or third orgasm they just laid there with the machine and me stroking them off. I only invited the cutest guys.

When I was a kid in the 1st and 2nd grade my best friend and I played in the basement and he made me lay on my stomach while he humped me.

When I was a kid my best friend since the fourth grade would play on his bunk beds and pretend we were fighting back and forth.We jumped on each other and rubbed our cocks and he asked me about how to have sex. I came on one of his sweaters and showed him.

While I was a kid I had a girlfriend but would look at gay porn and jackoff but would come at the thought of her.

When I was in hs my friends called me Peter-eater.

When I was a kid...
At 4 my mother started sexually abusing me.

At 5 I ran away from home. I was going to my kindergarten teacher's house. She would save me. I got nearly six miles before they found me. On the way home in the car with my Dad, I felt so hopeless & trapped.

At 5 I stabbed a neighbor kid in the stomach with a knife. Wasn't very sharp. Didn't hurt him, but every time we drove by his house after that, I ducked down in the car so that no one could see me.

At 9 I gave up trying in school, because I never got credit for straight A's, only "constructive criticism" from my parents for things that needed improvement.

At 9 my mother dressed me up as a gypsy girl for Halloween. She got way too into it. I loved my red lipstick & off the shoulder peasant blouse, until I went out trick or treating & was met with derision. I went home in tears.It was my first inkling that what went on in my house wasn't necessarily o.k. with the rest of the world.

At 9 I made my first suicide attempt. I gave up on life.

At 10, I learned about life insurance & prayed for my Father's plane to crash every time he went on a business trip.

At 11 I started drinking.

At 11, we moved into a new house. I regularly hid behind the water heater under the basement stairs for the next two years. It was safe, dark & no one could find me.

At 12 I started stealing cars.

At 12 I sucked my first cock.

At 13 I told my mother I didn't want to sleep with her any more.

At 14 I was a fully develolped alcoholic.

It wasn't a totally horrible childhood. It looked perfect & bucolic from the outside. I had a dog named Spot, a cat named Whiskers, and a rabbit named Peter.
Alcohol kept me from killing myself until I was old enough to leave home for college, move into adulthood, and start working with a number of therapists to make sense of the past, and claim my place in the world.

Yikes @ these replies .... I was going to say that I was a veteran sleepwalker, until I saw all the f**-up weirdness.

Not every homo is the result of tragic abuse and neglect... but apparently, many are.

When I was a kid my mother was my best friend. When I was a kid my grandfather was my role model.

When I was a kid I lived in a small Texas town where all my friends were my cousins. I played outside from morning until night time.

When I was a kid I was a B student until my teachers told me they knew I could do better. I graduated Salutatorian of my HS. I graduated college in 3-years.

When I was a kid...I thought that if you went inside the tv set, you'd be wherever the picture on the screen was showing at the time.

...I thought that babies came out of a woman's cleavage...it just looked right...like a slit.

I thought my parents always told the truth and ended up believing a lot of crap.

I liked seeing penises...still do.

The only "fucked-up weirdness" here is someone who thinks homosexuality is caused by abuse and neglect.

Kudos to everyone for your honesty and bravery. Wonderful all round. Very thought-provoking, and even inspiring, to hear how alcohol can be a defense against the effects of horrible abuse until you get to a safe place in your life to heal and to make sense of the past...

when i was a kid i was in fostercare.

when i was a kid i use to cry myself to sleep everynight wondering will i ever get adopted.

when i was a kid the only toy i had was a stuffed cat named fat louie.

when i was a kid school was the only place fun i got to go ( other kids were there fun)

when i was a kid i would dream of how life would be when i was older

when i was a kid i had no parents

when i was a kid i wanted a cat all i had was fat louie

when i was a kid i would hope the power rangers would rescue me

when i was a kid my life was messes up

thats life in foster care any one want to adopt a 18 year old bi gal??

When I was a kid, I beat up one kid

When I was a kid, I got beaten up a lot more by other kids

When I was a kid, I kissed a girl in like, 3rd grade. I still remember it. And no it doesn't count as my first kiss. Hrrrumph.

When I was a kid, I loved Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and thought I could marry them all.

When I was a kid, I ............

what's this all about. hey. I still am a kid. I'm not even 21 yet and I'm begginning to reminisce?! AHHH what am I doing?!?!

hated wearing clothes as a kid?! Didn't it get cold?


* When I was a kid my 'bestest friend in the whole wide world was Veronica

* When I was a kid I prayed for a pet parrot just like the ones pirate's had but my parrot never came.

* When I was a kid Roni & I spent hours searching for treasure by the beaches we lived so that we could run away together, but the treasure was never found

* When I was a kid I lived in a little town & was told by my parents that I would never amount to anyting more than horseshit.

To prove them wrong I did eventually graduate university a year longer than most others did, moved the hell away from the town and opened up the satisfying business I now run.

I also married my Roni with whom I share my daughter and vivacious dog and oh yeah I finally did buy myself the parrot :D

No Paul. I lived in Miami. It is always hot there.

When I was a kid, my mother use to make me banana pudding without the bananas..she knew I didn't like them.

When I was a kid, my dad took me to cub scouts and I remember really wanting a uniform.

When I was a kid, I was the best athlete in my neighborhood.

When I was a kid, the preacher down the street took me under his wing and taught me a lot about life and being a young man. He was like a grandfather to me.

When he died, I couldn't go to his funeral...I was too sad.

When I was a kid, I loved homemade ice cream.

When I was a kid, I was popular and smart.

When I was a kid, I use to get an allowance for doing chores and I would buy records and tapes.

When I was a kid, I loved candy.

When I was a kid, I loved it when it would rain.

When I was a kid, my mother left work and brought cupcakes to my 4th grade class to surprise us.

When I was a kid, I played with my brother and my two sisters from sun up to sun down during the summer.

When I was a kid, I wasn't lost like I am now.

Good that everyone is remembering their childhood memories, positive and negative. Perhaps this will allow them to come to terms with the lessons, if there are any.
When I was a kid, I took up stamp collecting, a great interest in history and geography (read anything in the encyclopedia that had to do with Ancient China), interest in languages (comparative linguistics), gardening and photography.
When I was a teenager, I found I was turned on by guys, but not girls. Thant's still the case!
Cheers to all.

When I was a kid I knew I was "different" but my parents didn't want to hear it.

When I was a kid I got into trouble in Catholic school because I read real history on my own and knew where all the lies were in their heavily doctored history books.

When I was a kid I impulsively kissed a boy on the cheek in a local super market.

When I was a kid I learned really fast that what was important to me--art, classical music, theater, reading--were objects of contempt to most of my peers.

When I was a kid I was extremely unhappy and resigned myself to holding on and waiting until I had outgrown my youth.

When I was a kid, I realized that everyone must die someday and that people can convince themselves of anything if it suits them.

When I was a kid I knew i was different.
When I was a kid I was quite and tried not to be noticed so people would not "see" that I was gay.
When I was a kid I humped my step brother.
When I was a kid I showed my female step cousin my erection outside behind the bushes.
When I was a kid I used to stare at guys' bulges in the underware section of clothing catologues.
When I was a kid I prayed not to be gay, I still do.
When I was a kid I hide so I could watched my stepfather come out of the shower naked.
When I was a kid my mom used to call me a sissey and it still hurts.
When I was a kid I didnt imagine that I would be hiding my life from the people I love at age 23.

When I was a kid, I got spanked at home... bare bottom, OTK, from ages 5 through 13. Around age 9, I realized that there were a couple aspects of it I found interesting. One was having my lil' bottom bared and placed over some adult's knee. I remember the cool air carressing my smooth rear... until the spanking started. Afterwards, as I lay tummy down -- with a bare, red bottom -- on my bed, I enjoyed feeling the warmth of my spanking spreading across my little rump.

When I was a kid I had two boy best friends. They now live in Canada and are very happily married (first child on the way)

When I was a kid I learned to lie so I could go to my friends house and play "Doctor" with his dad.

When I was a kid I had sex with my female babysitter and blackmailed her into buying me gay porn.

When I was a kid all I wanted was to get away from my mom. Now all I want is to be able to see her again.

When I was a kid I had two boy best friends. They now live in Canada and are very happily married (first child on the way)

When I was a kid I learned to lie so I could go to my friends house and play "Doctor" with his dad.

When I was a kid I had sex with my female babysitter and blackmailed her into buying me gay porn.

When I was a kid all I wanted was to get away from my mom. Now all I want is to be able to see her again.

When I was a kid I got spanked for misbehaving. It was always OTK with my briefs pulled down. After the spanking I hopped from foot to foot clutching my hot bottom. My face always went red and my little penis stuck straight up.

when i was in 9th grade i wanted to die.

when i got out of 9th grade, i had more friends than you could ever imagine

when i was really little, i used to want to be a girl like all my cousin

when i was a kid, i thought that if i wished hard enough and sat down to pee, you would grow a vagina

when i was in 9th grade, i came out to two of my best friends, kelsey and chloe

when i was a kid, i was always turned on by guys, but didn't realize it until the 8th grade

when i was a kid, i loved my family very much and my cousins were just like siblings (still are)

when i was a kid, i never found my groove, and noticed there wasn't a niche in school for me

when i was in 9th grade, i found some of the best friends a guy could ask for and got rid of some of the bad ones

when i was in 7th grade, i was living in my brother's shadow

when i was in 7th and 8th grade, i didn't realize how much i was disliked

when i came out to my two best friends, it was the best feeling in the world

when i told them who i liked, i was glad they didn't mind

when i was a kid, i used to imagine what it must be like in the locker rooms and thought and hoped all the hot jocks were gay

when i was a kid, i had a dandy imagination

when i was a kid, i had a lot of fun

im too young to be reminiscing about my past, im only 15... but what the hell.

When i was younger...

i was amazed how many people knew i was gay before i even recognized it

i lost my virginity to a 17 year old, who is now 18. (and i still feel guilty about that one)

in 8th grade i had my first boyfriend.

i helped my friends boyfriend come out... which made her hate me cuz she thought i had turned him gay :(

this year i have lots friends for the first time, and we sit in the halls of our high school and look at all the cute juniors and seniors :)

i was always turned on my men with six packs and muscles

i started looking at gay porn in 5th grade

i had no friends in sixth grade, i always ate alone, same in seventh grade.

i moved away from the east coast at 11, to a very homophobic area of the country.

i came out to my friends 3 months ago, and to my parents last week. its one of the hardest things i have ever done

When I was a kid I was unhappy

When I was a kid I was adopted

When I was a kid I never knew my real parents

When I was a kid I was full of issues

When I was a kid I felt unloved

When I was a kid others kids were cruel to me

When I was a kid it was becasue they knew I was different

When I was a kid I wanted to be old quick

When I was a kid I hated things but didnt know why

When I was a kid I hated things cos I could

Now Im not a kid - not much has changed

When I was a kid...

at 3 i looked forward to having a little brother.

at 4 ididnt want a little brother anymore

at 5 i started school and found that the boys didnt like me

at 5 i found most of the girls didnt like me

at 6 i got beaten up

at 7 i got beaten up

at 8 my grandad took me to see TITANIC, i liked watching the bit with the boobs

at 8 graham/my father left

at 9 i played with my hard on in the toilet at school

at 9 i got beaten up because one of the boys noticed i had a hard on (he was probably jealous coz mine was bigger lol)

at 11 i realised i didnt want to see graham/my father again

at 12 i realised if i saw graham/my father again id probably kill him

at 12 i came for the first time

at 12 i started high school

at 12 i tried to kill myself but couldn't go through with it

at 13 i tried to kill myself again but couldn't go through with it

at 13 i met mark my best friend

at 14 i started drinking heavily

at 15 my grandad on graham/my fathers side died the day after new years

on my 16 birthday my gran on graham/my fathers side died

at 16 i had my first kiss with mark my best friend and the unattainable love of my life

at 17 my other grandad died

at 18 i went to the pub legaly 4 the first time and my drinking got more frequent (ican handle it now)

at 18 and 1/2 i found this blog

at 18 i wrote this post

when i was 13 i love to wrestle with my neighbor guy friends we would get in just our underwear and wrestle this was before i knew about getting off so every time we wrestle i would get so turned on i would shoot off but not knowing about sexually things i thought i was peeing LOL so each time he would come over i would make sure i would pee real good but i still shot off once i figured out what was going on was one of the first high points in my young life LOL

When I was a kid I fooled around wit my neighbors a lot
And not just one all of them (I was a lil whore)

When I was a kid I had my first crush

When I was a kid I would give blow jobs to my neighbor who was like my best friend

When I was kid I found out u can look up porn on the internet

When I was a kid I liked bugs (now I hate them)

When I was a kid I thought we were rich. Well we kinda were

When I was a kid I loved the spice girls

When I was a kid I thought playing with ur self meant u were actually like playing like having fun doing something. Besides actually touching urself

when I was a kid (elementary school), I fondled my friends and made them walk around holding hands with me.

I had stoner friends I came out to and dropped acid with. They're fun. I also had gay friends.

I felt alone on the earth, but came out a couple months ago, found a partner and have been glowing ever since. (I'm seventeen by the way) I also like this blog alot and want to move to SF because of it!

When I was a kid...

I asked my MOM what sex was and all she did was say: "Sex is not for you!"

I would play with my friends and "fantasize" about them...

I thought I wouldn't be gay...I would marry a hot asian chick and have twins and a good business... so much for not being gay...

I wondered a lot about what was right and wrong, when I came out in my teens,
I was horrified that God would never accept me...turns out he still answers!

I looked at my friend's body when he was changing in the locker rooms, pantsed him and started to blow him...

I thought growing up was going to be the best thing ever...turns out...it was!

Now...I have a good job and salary, a cute boyfriend and the best house ever!

when i was a kid i did rude dares with my friend where we would show our cocks out the window and grope each other under the bed

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What is CN?

Way back in August 2005 I started this blog and stopped writing several years later when life got too busy. I am leaving it up for future readers to find. I post pics almost every week though as I surf the net.

It isn't really about naked pics. It is about me exposing by deepest sexual secrets and leaving myself and my soul completely naked for the world to see.

Way back in the early 2000's I discovered a need to be vulnerable and naked in front of others, whether it be in public, among other naked guys, among clothed guys, or in front of authority.

Sometimes I like to be tied down, spanked, flogged and tortured. Sometimes I like to be physically examined and humiliated by someone of authority. I am a complete exhibitionist.

I also like to see others in the same situation where I am the one clothed or the one in authority.

I am not the greatest writer in the world. Some may say I stink and that I should keep my day job. I am not writing this blog to be a writer but to record my exploration of these fetishes. Every story is as accurate as my memory allows except the names of the people I encounter and most of the pictures. The pictures in this blog are, for the majority, not me. I pulled most of them from various sites on the internet. I will give credit to the individual photo owners when I know where they came from. If you see a pic that is yours and you want to take it down just let me know.

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