I don't know who the artist is . . .
. . . I stand in awe of the talent behind this painting.
I used to watch my father paint for hours. Canvas after canvas was turned from snow white to brilliant colors that took my imagination to magical places. I used to pretend I lived in those places; with the people that he painted.
Still to this day I can sit for hours and watch an artist perform his magic in any medium.
When I was a kid I tried and failed to write a horror novel with a friend.
When I was a kid I used to sit in the back of the classroom and play with myself.
When I was a kid I put on plays for my parents with the girl next door.
When I was a kid I only liked vanilla ice cream.
When I was a kid I loved Root Beer until the cute boy next door said he hated it, then I hated it.
When I was a kid I go a hard-on that showed through my bathing suit all the time.
When I was a kid I took swimming lessons every year until I was eighteen.
When I was a kid I prayed and prayed for a kid sister but it never happened.
When I was a kid my babysitter taught me about sex. She said the boy pees into the female. I didn't believe her.
When I was a kid I thought you had to go high on a mountain and pray to have a baby.
When I was a kid I thought for sure we were inside the world and not on the surface. Yes I was so fucking stupid.
When I was a kid I cheated in math so bad my mother caught on that I couldn't do it and forced me to learn from her during my entire summer.
When I was a kid I used to play naked games with the boy next door. We sometimes rubbed each other's bodies. He wondered why my thing was so hard.
When I was a kid I got sunburned really bad every year. I'm just sitting here waiting on the cancer.
When I was a kid I thought I would get married to a girl and live in Miami Beach. Now I live with and love two boys.
When I was a kid I hated wearing clothes. That is what I fought about the most with my parents. I had a good childhood compared to most. I know that now.
When I was a kid I left a suicide note for my mother. She just read it, said 'nice try' and threw it away as I watched in horror behind the couch.
When I was a kid my uncle called me 'Oscar the Grouch'
When I was a kid I ate my grandmothers whole pie in one sitting every year I visited. I can still do this today.
When I was a kid I was so afraid of ghosts I slept with my parents for almost a year. They bought me a dog and then I was fine.
When I was a kid I was really shy. I'm still very shy today even though my entire sex life is on this blog.
When I was a kid I never thought I would be revealing so much of myself publicly. What the fuck am I doing writing in this blog!
What did you do when you were a kid???
Sometimes I try to dig deep into my memories to try to relate my past to all these fetishes I've discovered. I do this without the help of a therapist or anyone else so I really can't say if the past events are related.
I've said before that I have this thing with my dick. All of my life, ever since I can remember, I get hard really easily and sometimes I stay that way for a few hours. It's a little less of a problem now that I am older but it still happens.
When I was younger, I caught a bug and the doctor prescribed this medication that was supposed to cure it. One of the side effects, as I found out the next day, was that it could possibly make you have spontaneous erections without external stimulation. The doc had no idea of my other hard-on problem. Within twenty-four hours of my taking the first dose I was hard as a rock. After a day, I realized it wasn't going down and it took a lot of me to build up the courage to tell my parents what was going on. I insisted my father, not my mother, take me back to the doctor.
So we got into the exam room and the nurse told me to strip down. I don't remember why, but there was no offering on her part of a gown to cover up. I looked at my father in desperation and he told me to do as I was told. I sat there, on the exam table, naked and fully erect in front of him. I was humiliated even though he was already aware of my erection issues.
We waited, for what seemed hours, for the doctor to come in. During that time I did everything to cover myself. My father noticed and did his best to comfort me. "Jared," he said. "Son, you shouldn't worry yourself about getting hard easily. It is a gift from God. Many men would be very jealous of you. You will see when you get older son. All the girls will go wild over your manhood. Be proud of it because it is who you are."
He said a bunch of other stuff that I don't recall. It was those specific words above that stuck with me. Somehow he really did comfort me. By the time the doctor came in I wasn't trying to cover it anymore and was actually proud of it.
Everything beyond that moment is a little sketchy. I remember the doc being a little concerned. He asked me how long since I last ejaculated and I don't remember what I said. I also don't remember what the solution was. It was just that specific conversation between me and my dad that I recall now.
I don't know if this has anything to do with my doctor examination fetish or my exhibitionist streak but it could be a factor. My body and mind seem to know the difference between playing doctor in sex and going to the real doctor. It isn't a turn on for me to go to the real doctor but I still get hard sometimes.
I also see a lot of my dad in Nathan. He is very caring and would do anything to make me feel great about myself.
To this very day I don't try to hide my erection at the gym or any other place I have to get naked. My doctor, who is gay by the way, knows about my little gift and isn't offended if it happens to pop up during an exam.
I've been getting a lot of e-mails from our younger gay brothers after my posts on early memories. Most of these guys are young enough to still live with their parents and are experiencing the same struggles today that are fading memories for most of us.
Each one of them ask my advice on their situation. Each one is from a different part of the world. Each one of them is really struggling. I'm just not qualified to answer or help with the exception that I can point them to websites like this one or to a helpline like: 1-800-347-TEEN.
While I am a little horrified but not surprised that teens are reading my blog (and if you are a teen I strongly recommend skipping over the sex posts), I feel the rest of us owe them a service on where to get real help, advice or just someone to talk to.
If you guys know more sites or books or phone numbers these guys could use to through the rough times please post it in the comments section.
thanks dudes
j
My life is really great right now but it wasn't always that way. This story is a continuation of my new series called 'Early Memories'. It was difficult for me to write because it brought back to life a lot of bad memories. I'm not looking for sympathy from you or anything by writing this. I cried enough about it back then, got over it and moved on. I'm just sharing memories so you can get to know me a little more and maybe relate to bad experiences you have had. I'll bet most of you have had similar experiences.
I can't say that I would never have changed experiences like this in my life because given the opportunity I would have changed it. I do believe, however, these experiences helped me to be a better person. It has also taught me to develop thicker skin, which has helped me tremendously in my adult life.
So here is the story. It takes place in seventh and eighth grade in Miami.
I'm going to try some new stuff with my blog in addition to telling you about my relationship with Nathan and the fetish stuff. The last 'ten things' list I posted on my early years brought memories flooding in. This quick entry is my memory of the first time I ejaculated as a boy. I was really young then, really young, so it is not meant to be erotic like some of the other stuff I've posted.
Here we go.
I don't know what this blog is about anymore. I just re-read my about section and its just not entirely about fetishes anymore. I mean they are definitely still there and I do plan to continue exploration and re-living them through the stories, but I'm a lot off-track in a good way with being in love, home buying and stuff. It's weird how life takes you in a direction you weren't expecting, it's ever-evolving.
I think it is still about being completely naked. Completely naked describes one of my many fetishes but it also describes my method of recollection and story telling. I do it raw, right after it happens. I don't really think about what I will write or how it will be received. I almost never go back and re-read or edit what I have written. I do go back to reflect on it later though. I stand before you and write everything in a completely naked state of mind. I hope this makes sense. It's late and I am beginning to ramble.
Some days I say to myself, Jared dude, do you still want to keep blogging? Everyday I am inspired to put something here, whether it's just a pic or a random thought like this or just about some little something in my life. Everything here is a reflection of who I am and what I like. So I guess the answer is yes, as long as I have inspiration and the time, I'll keep doing it. It's fun to me. It's an outlet. It helps me reflect on things. So yes, I'll keep doing it. Yup, no doubt.
Something happened to me today that made me think back to my childhood. I tried to make a list of ten things about them . . . about me. It almost reads like a paragraph. I'm leaving it though cause it's how I want to share this part of my life.
Here it goes.
1. I grew up in South Beach Miami during it's urban decay period.
2. My parents were poor 'starving artists'. I was a starving boy.
3. We were bought out of the area during the late 80's renaissance by developers.
4. They still live near the area today.
5. I hated school but knew it was the only way to get far away from being poor.
6. My mom cursed the gays when they moved in to the area.
7. I was so scared to tell her I was gay.
8. I lived my life on the beach everyday after school.
9. I fucking love the beach and miss living there.
10. But when I go back today, it has changed so much I don't even recognize it.
I hated many parts of my childhood but there were some awesome times. My life has made me a strong but caring person who has a lot to give. Much of the time I don't know where to focus that giving energy but right now, today, I know exactly where to focus.
So there it is, raw and completely naked.
jared
Oh yeah. Nate says 'hey'. I really wish you could see him laying next to me right now. He is completely naked too, in a real good way.
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